I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
