guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
