yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
