we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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