I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
