you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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