it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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