I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
