SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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