i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What drink are we having for lunch?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
