i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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