I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
