in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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