I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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