You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
