My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
