we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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