I got chris browned last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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