party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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