I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
