As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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