We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
