Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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