Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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