Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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