i already hear my dad disowning me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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