i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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