nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
