Who wears a wallet chain?!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
