All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
