i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
