Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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