I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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