I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize