last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
