Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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