life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
