My first STD was from a foam party
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
