I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is the high leading the old right now
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
