Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
