I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize