You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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