You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
