hell yes lets make some ravioli
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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