Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
