Duck Duck Cougar?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
