Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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