i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
