Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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