My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
