facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
