You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
