I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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