if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
