I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
