eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
