so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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