He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone came in the potted fern
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
