Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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