Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
