Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
