i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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