Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
