Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
