how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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