it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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