i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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