so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
