Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
