Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
