You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
