Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
