Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
