Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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