sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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