does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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