false alarm. still invincible.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
