Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
