I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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