who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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