he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
