high people should be assigned attendants
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
