saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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