Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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